Wednesday, December 1, 2010

One Word

I signed up to participate in a project called "reverb10: reflect on this year and manifest what's next". The purpose is to utilize a set of daily writing prompts to reflect on the year 2010 and make positive preparations for the year 2011. I expect that there will be days when what I'm writing is too personal to post or I will be too busy to respond to the prompts, but otherwise I'd like to regularly post what I write on here. The month starts with today's prompt:

Encapsulate the year 2010 in one word. Explain why you’re choosing that word. Now, imagine it’s one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2011 for you?
(Author: Gwen Bell)
As I reflect on this prompt, I realized that I haven't viewed this past year in the traditional sense of starting on January 1, 2010. For me, the new year started the day I left the hospital last November. As many of you know, I landed myself in the "psych ward" at UMC in November 2009 due to an overdose of anxiety medicine and vodka that almost ended my life. Obviously, I was in a very low place and feeling more depressed that I ever had before.

The near death experience and the trapped feeling of living in a hospital for 5 days where I wasn't even allowed to have a pen for fear that I'd use it to hurt myself pushed me to spin 180 degrees. I might not have realized it at the time, but I was a much different person when I left the hospital. Since that day I've had my ups and downs but the overall trend in my life has been in a positive direction.

That is why I would use the word
to define the year 2010. I feel that I've made great strides in improving my mental health and my attitude toward myself over the past 365 days. I still have a long way to go, and I would like to be able to say at the end of 2011 that I've continued to heal. I think I would also like to be able to use the word
to describe 2011 one year from today. I want all that I've learned and developed over the past year to take a real life form over the next year. I would like to the positivity, growth, and healking manifested in all areas of my life.

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