Sunday, November 28, 2010

My heart aroused

I’m reading a book right now by David Whyte called “The Heart Aroused: Poetry and the Preservation of the Soul in Corporate America”. The book speaks extensively of the idea that I wrote about in my last post: the fear of engaging in creative acts.

Whyte wrote a poem that he shared in the book about turning his fear into positive energy while kayaking on the ocean. One line in particular stuck out to me:
“Always the energy smolders inside/when it remains unlit/ the body fills with dense smoke”.

I read this and I said, “YES!” This is what I have been experiencing. I’ve been fighting off the creative energy inside of me and it’s been smoldering in such an unhealthy way. Without using that energy productively, it’s just been sitting there, causing anxiety and frustration. When I use that energy positively to create something, it’s like I am a light that has just been turned on. I feel more alive, more peaceful, brighter.

“The Heart Aroused” examines what our lives would be like if we incorporated our creativity into our everyday lives. I think I am slowly working toward a place where this is possible for me. I think I’ve spent years running from my creative energies because of fear, and it’s taking me years to build myself back up to a place where I can regularly utilize that creative energy again. As I slowly reach that point, I’m noticing significant positive changes in the way I feel. In fact, I think reconnecting with my creative, passionate side is going to be a major aspect of overcoming the depression and panic attacks I’ve dealt with for most of my life.

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