Saturday, April 16, 2011

How To Be Alone: Viola Version

*Inspired by this poem.

First, accept that you were never as much of an extrovert as you once thought you were. Realize that you are energized by the time you spend alone and give your batteries enough time to recharge before going back out. Teach yourself that there is nothing wrong with spending so much time alone and that, in the long run, you're a better person for it.

Remember that for years you've wanted more time to spend on creative endeavors. That time is now being provided to you. Use it wisely.

Start a one woman campaign to learn to love yourself because you might as well enjoy the person you'll be spending so much time with.

Indulge in self-reflection. Start a conversation with yourself and listen to what you have to say. Begin to dig out the truths that you've always hidden and allow them to see the light of day. Spending so much time with other people has allowed you to hide too much for too long, and you're beginning to hunch under the weight of all those lies. Lose that weight.

Stop turning to food to fill the void that you created.

It's okay to weave a cocoon and incubate for a while, as long as you finally emerge as a better person. Instead of getting caught up in the fear of being alone, take the time to grow your wings. Invest in yourself, love yourself, learn as much as you can and eventually you will be ready to come out again.

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Emotional Eating

I am going to tell you that I am trying to lose weight, and you are probably going to tell me I'm crazy.

So let me phrase this in a different way: I am trying to change my relationship with food.

I don't have an eating disorder but I've spent some time in therapy recently talking about food. I don't see food as a necessary nourishment; I see it as something to fear. I fear eating too much food and becoming unhealthy and overweight; I also fear eating too little and having to deal with the shaky nauseous feeling of being too hungry.

On a related note, I've been learning about how much extra emotional weight I've taken on over the years. I worry too much. It seems that this extra weight has taken on a physical form in my stomach and legs: I'm physically heavier than I've ever been. I eat to assuage my fears and emotional concerns, and the heavy emotional burdens I take on begin to show.

This is not a diet. My goal is to be able to utilize food in a healthy way and in doing so have a healthier body and self image. In the process, I hope to lose unnecessary emotional burdens and develop healthier coping skills. This is another step toward self love.

Food should be enjoyed, not attacked.