Monday, December 27, 2010

I don't believe in the word "should"

What should you have done this year but didn’t because you were too scared, worried, unsure, busy or otherwise deterred from doing? (Bonus: Will you do it?)

I resent the word "should". It implies that there is a task that, if I'm not accomplishing it, I am doing something wrong or I am inadequate. I have lived a lifetime of "shoulds" and this has led to nothing but guilt.

Usually, when I begin to believe that I "should" be doing something it's because of others' expectations, either real or imagined. I'm led to believe that I "should" be going to church or exercising more or donating more money or dressing a certain way. And when I don't do these things, either because it's not practical or healthy or I just plain don't want to, I feel guilty.

If I avoided anything this year it's simply because I wasn't ready to face it. Maybe I wasn't as social as I "should" have been, but that's because I was spending more time taking care of myself. Maybe I didn't exercise as much as I "should" have, but that's because I was spending more time writing or making presents for other people. Maybe I didn't deal with an aspect of my life that "should" be changed, but that's because I'm preoccupied with taking care of other aspects of my life.

I refuse to give in to the idea that I avoided some sort of obligation this year. I did the best that I could, and that was pretty damn awesome.

1 comment:

  1. I hear you there. This also made me realize that I did what I could when I could. As long as your happy with yourself, well, that's all that matters.