See

It once seemed odd-

How you showed up in my dreams at least once a month as unfinished business.

I thought I had closed and sealed that lid; I remember

Standing proudly on top of it declaring, “IT’S ABOUT TIME”.        

But here you are,

                Again and

                                Again and

                                                Again and

                                                                Again,

Smoke creeping from my ears in the morning, leaving me

Groggy in a fog of incapability and failure.

These dreams are always-

                I see you in the store but hide in another aisle, kicking myself because I STILL haven’t just called

                You to tell you no.

Or-

                I invite you to my birthday party and regret it because you’ve gotten close to another one of my

                Friends and now we are even more enmeshed.

Or-

                Your mom sends me another e-mail telling me how depressed you are and somehow, even as a

                A 12 year old, we all think I’m going to do something about it.

I try to seal you in after every dream but I’m running out of places to hide you and now

I see you in dustbunny corners under my desk at work

Or in the hatchback driver cutting me off on my way home

Or in the stray beauty and fortune of where I live. You

Are ten years of me and you’ve fit yourself into every crack of my life

Where I might still be messing up.

These dreams

                Are not unfinished business.

They are you, a tattoo under my eyelids;

To which I return again

                And again

                                And again

                                                And again

Whenever I need a metaphor

                For my shortcomings.