Thursday, April 3, 2014


It once seemed odd-
How you showed up in my dreams at least once a month as unfinished business.
I thought I had closed and sealed that lid; I remember
Standing proudly on top of it declaring, “IT’S ABOUT TIME”.        

But here you are,
                Again and
                                Again and
                                                Again and
Smoke creeping from my ears in the morning, leaving me
Groggy in a fog of incapability and failure.

These dreams are always-
                I see you in the store but hide in another aisle, kicking myself because I STILL haven’t just called
                You to tell you no.
                I invite you to my birthday party and regret it because you’ve gotten close to another one of my
                Friends and now we are even more enmeshed.
                Your mom sends me another e-mail telling me how depressed you are and somehow, even as a
                A 12 year old, we all think I’m going to do something about it.

I try to seal you in after every dream but I’m running out of places to hide you and now
I see you in dustbunny corners under my desk at work
Or in the hatchback driver cutting me off on my way home
Or in the stray beauty and fortune of where I live. You
Are ten years of me and you’ve fit yourself into every crack of my life
Where I might still be messing up.

These dreams
                Are not unfinished business.
They are you, a tattoo under my eyelids;
To which I return again
                And again
                                And again
                                                And again
Whenever I need a metaphor

                For my shortcomings. 

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