You told me you liked thinking about me

Living in Arizona where it's sunny all the time. 

You said- it just makes sense-

-So much sense that you brought me to Tucson, joined me in witnessing

Beams of sunlight falling directly from post-monsoon clouds

Like arrows onto the street where we stayed, as if you

And the Biblical God were working together to pull me to the right place.

-So much sense that you gave me wings, pushed me skyward

And then departed, so that I might not be distracted

From building the muscles of my waving arms.

I wanted to tell you before you disappeared:

You were right. You were right that being alone leads to soaring;

That, in Arizona, where it’s sunny all the time, things just make sense,

Like I’m constantly guided by post-monsoon

Beams of sunlight pointing me in the right direction.

I see so much now in vivid clarity:

The multitude of cacti that grow strong armed and sturdy

From what I once thought was barren land;

The safety in a small town community

Where we move slowly and make time for eye contact;

The blooming houses painted to stand out amidst the dust;

Myself, in my own home, unattached, feeling whole.

It is in these brilliant moments that I miss you the most;

You, who would not just understand but share,

Who could draw out colors to reach their fullest potential

Who could make an already full metaphor

Burst into a second life;

It is the obvious lack of you in these

Otherwise perfect seconds, in these times when

I feel most alive, it is your complete absence

That brings me to my knees with doubt;

Questioning my effort to be a whole person

With only one body to call my own.