Far From Home

NaPorWriMo 2017 #21

A human carrying a thick suitcase,
Always around like a shadow
Under the direct Tucson sun
Black and yellow under blue skies:
This is the shape of chronic loyalty.

Spread on a spectrum between two coasts
To where I finally found a method
For unpacking the baggage,
The endless boulders and mud
Once thought to be precious gems;

They're now less heavy and ambivalent
So I can make my own home
Over all that confusing scaffolding.

Allergens

NaPoWriMo 2017 #3

In Tucson we are all allergic.
They say Snowbirds bring foreign pollen
And all this new growth makes
Our eyes water and our noses bleed.
Every time I feel the prick of shots
Designed to build up new immunity
I remember that more than pollen clings to our skin;
That in moving across the country
We bring our homes with us, too.
We can never prevent cross contamination.
Sniffling and itching, old injuries
Will always rise to the surface.
And no matter how many times we bore through
Skin to let the stimulants in
We can't seem to make enough holes to let the irritants out.

Altar for The All Souls' Procession

We all try to hold on to the people and moments

Of the past:  our ancestors, our families, the personalities

Who shaped us, their words, their smiles, the particular

Cut of their body through space as they walk.

In them we find purpose and inspiration for living

And we ache to be relentlessly reminded

Of why we are who we are and why we do what we do.

But the remnants of the past are fragile,

Glittering as light through a prism:

A memory can be a rainbow reflecting onto your bedroom wall

Until a flick of your wrist changes your recollection into a blinding glare.

We try to keep the past lined up like trophies

On a shelf, stored in closets like old dresses,

Memorialized in urns and shadowboxes.

But just as we cannot stop light from moving;

We cannot contain the ephemeral seconds of bygone days

Without stopping in place like concrete statues, unable to reflect

Anything at all, unable to create more light.

We must keep moving forward with each transient second

In order to persevere in generating electricity.

So we, full of energy and luminosity, find ways to honor that which has passed

While continuing to celebrate the gift of remaining alive.

We gather together to dance in the streets, to broadcast in solid drumbeats

The rhythm of the blood pumping through our hearts, blood

Passed down by the people who gave us life. And we shout,

In gleaming costumes and moving memorials, our gratitude for the growing

Mountains of moments that we have been privileged to collect and enjoy

But that we will never fully experience again.  We give ourselves

One last procession to honor that which has come ahead of us and then

We lay each reminiscence on a public altar, acknowledging the need to let go,

To persist in perpetual progress.

And though we start this procession after the sun sets,

This is not a funeral, this is not an occasion to mourn. This

Is a celebration, a demonstration of appreciation for the privilege

Of experiencing  the intangible elements that have molded us

Into dynamic beams of light. We know that neither we nor our memories

Will last forever but instead of letting this knowledge freeze us in stiff poses
We take the time to rejoice in all of what we have been given.

Tucson Spring

#13/30

Spring brings flowers blooming in unexpected places,

Most surprisingly among the sharp needles of cacti.

In showy routine they change to fruit;

Folding closed and maturing into nourishment.

I never planned to put down roots among these blossoms

But I died here and spilled seeds into soaking monsoon soil.

Now I grow and bloom again and again like the cactus flowers;

In an enduring Spring I fold, mature, and transform into fruit.

Let's hang out!

I've been telling myself for a long time that I need to get out more. Tucson has so much to offer and I've seen so little of it. So I made a "bucket list" of sorts with many of the things in Tucson I'd like to try. I'm left with the feeling that I'm missing a few things here and there so I'd love it if anyone who reads this suggests their own favorite things to do in Tucson!

• Restaurants/Coffee Shops (Tucson has so many cool place to eat and drink coffee; this list is definitely incomplete!!)
• Cafe Poca Cosa
• Shot in the Dark Cafe
• Seven Cups
• Planet of the Crepes
• Boca
• World Sports Grille
• Tourist Attractions
• 4th Ave Trolly
• Biosphere 2
• Tucson Oddities (This refers to two books that were written about all of the strange things to see in Tucson. I want to visit them all and take pictures!)
• Bisbee
• Museums/Galleries
• Center for Creative Photography
• Mini-Time Machine Museum
• Postal History Foundation
• International Wildlife Museum
• Titan Missle Museum
• Museum of COntemporary Art
• DeGrazia Gallery in the Sun
• Etherton Gallery
• Ft. Lowell Museum
• Santa Theresa Tile Works
• Hikes (I want to get more specific about these. I know there are a TON of awesome trails throughout the mountains around Tucson. What are your favorites?)
• Saguaro National Park
• Madera Canyon
• Outdoors
• Kartchner Caverns
• Colossal Cave
• Horseback Riding
• Hot air balloon rides
• Rafting
• The Arizona Trail
• Organ Pipe National Monument
• Patagonia Lake State Park
• Events
• First Thursday Art Walk
• Tuesday Night Bike Ride
• Summer Saturdays at the Desert Museum
• Open Studios Tour
• Gem and Mineral Show
• Tucson Poetry Festiva;
• Cyclovia
• Other
• Kitt Peak
• Mt. Lemmon Sky Center
• Sanctuary Cove
• Planetarium
• U of A Poetry Center
• Laff’s Comedy Club
• Trolley Pub
• Invisible Theater
• Mystery Mansion Dinner Theater
• Reid Park Zoo
• Black Cherry Burlesque
• Roller Derby
• Drive in Theater
• Valley of the Moon
• Pinnacle Peak
• Salsa Trail
• Bisbee
• Ghost Towns
• Rocks and Ropes
• Meditation
• Public Art Sculptures: http://www.tucsonpimaartscouncil3.org/dynamic/publicart/collection/collection.asp?cat=Sculpture&s=

• Stuff I’ve Already Done That I’d Like to Do Again:
• 2nd Saturdays Downtow
• Tucson Meet Yourself
• Festival of Books
• Something Sweet
• Ostrich Ranch
• The Loft
• Salt River
• Meet Me at Maynard’s
• Ostrich Ranch
• Tombstone
• Botannical Gardens
• Tohono Chul Park

Tucson: A Love Affair

I love the city of Tucson. Sometimes it seems that every day that I'm here brings something new to love. This weekend Paul and I explored some more awesome aspects of Tucson:

The Tucson Botanical Gardens. I am amazed by how much can acutally grow in the desert!

CACTI! I think cacti are so interesting. There are so many different types and most of them have beautiful flowers in the spring and summer.

Historical sites. There are many here with interesting stories. Yesterday we found two more!

El Tiradito Wishing Shrine

And a park that used to have a well and public baths.

Murals

Authentic Mexican food!

And the bright colors painted on many of the buildings in an effort to combat the brownness of the desert.



Tucson has a rich culture and an interesting history. Plus, it's surrounded by some incredible mountains and has over 300 days of SUN a year. I love this place and I can't wait to do some more exploring!

A Butterfly Builds A Cocoon

Allow me to take a moment to point out something obvious: I have changed a lot since I moved to Tucson two years ago.

I like to think that the changes that have occurred are good ones, that I've matured, become more confident, and generally healthier.

This month, some doubt was cast on those thoughts.

I had the pleasure of hanging out with my friend Kerry Ann, who I haven't seen since I left Rochester. Kerry Ann is great fun: outgoing, carefree, and loves to dance. When we hung out in Rochester, we spent time at The Bug Jar, waving our arms like crazy to indie dance music. We stayed up late, and dressed up for a 70s themed going away party. In some ways, I feel like the carefree person I was at the time was epitomized during the times I spent with Kerry Ann right before I left for Tucson.

When I found out that she would be spending about a month in Phoenix and wanted to visit me, I was excited. I was looking forward to showing Kerry Ann around, being spontaneous, and most of all, dancing.

I let myself down.

I went to bed early. I spent a lot of time fighting off a strong desire to stay home and be alone. When we went hiking, Kerry Ann explored the view from atop the strange silo while I stayed down and to the side for fear that someone would emerge to yell at us.



On another day that we went hiking, Kerry Ann wanted to continue up the mountain until the very last moment before it got dark. I kept checking my watch and comparing the time to the level of the sun in the sky, anxious that we might get caught in the desert at dusk.

Finally, on Kerry Ann's last night in Tucson, we went dancing. I dressed up, I drank, I danced. But after only an hour I began to get tired and frustrated with the crowd. By the time we were ready to leave I was full blown grumpy.

I am disappointed and a little sad. Don't get me wrong, we had a great time. But the time I spent with Kerry Ann in Tucson drew attention to how much I've changed since I felt a surge of courage and moved across the country two years ago. I often found myself explaining, "I'm a lot different than I used to be" while feeling apologetic and confused. 

I know I've wrestled long and hard with my problems over the last two years and this fight is probably what has made me so anxious and withdrawn. But I was also under the impression that I was healing and that I still knew how to have fun. I guess I still have a long way to go.

Let's fight crazy.

On January 10th, with the help of John Oliver, Jon Stewart began his Daily Show with an approximately nine minute monologue about the shootings in Tucson and whether or not they could have been prevented. The monologue was beautiful and encouraging, but I have to pick on one thing he said:

"Boy, would it be nice to be able to draw a straight line of causation from this horror to something tangible because then we could convince ourselves, is that if we just stopped this the horrors would end. To have the feeling, however fleeting, that this type of event could be prevented forever. It's hard not to feel like it can. You know, you cannot outsmart crazy. You don't know what a troubled mind will get caught on. Crazy always seems to find a way. "

We may not be able to stop an unhealthy mind from acting out in violence, but we sure as hell are trying.

In the week that has passed since the shooting occured I have spent ample time reflecting on how Jared Lee Loughner could have been stopped from acting on his delusions. Through this process I am reminded of the myriad ways in which Tucson as a community is reaching out to people with mental illnesses, from people like Jared who are delusional to children with behavioral issues to adults with PTSD.

Tucson is home to a plethora of support groups, community service agencies, therapists, and people reaching out to those who are hurting or struggling. This has increased exponentially since the tragedy: free support groups are being offered, a fund has been started for the victims and their families, and an enormous response was organized when it was rumored that the Westboro Baptist Church would be picketing at the victims' funerals.

This response, of course, must go deeper than just what is being offered. Reaching out to people with mental illnesses must occur daily on an individual level. This can be something as simple as a hug or as involved as accompanying someone to an appointment. Many people with mental illnesses will not seek help out of fear, lack of knowledge, or simply the inability to do so.

If we as a community and a nation hope to prevent future tragedies we need to change much more than just political rhetoric. We need to be more aware of what it means to be "crazy", of the obstacles that are faced by people whose minds are not fully functional and we need to act on this knowledge. If you know someone who is struggling with a mental illness, help them get help. Show them support and, at all costs, avoid judgment. Help to eliminate the stigma. If you are personally struggling with a mental illness, don't be afraid to get help.

It may be true that we can not eliminate all of the things on which a troubled mind could get caught. But we can address the troubled mind at the source. We, as a community, as a nation, as individuals, all have the power to help heal troubled minds. In doing so, I believe we can prevent future tragedies from occuring as a result of "craziness".



"From this sadness...make a better world" A note left outside of Gabrielle Giffords' office.



My dear, sweet Tucson

I have tried several times to put together a coherent, meaningful blog entry about what happened last Saturday but I just can't seem to pull it together. It's too recent and still too present. Along with a media overload, there are messages, signs, flowers and vigils all over Tucson.

So, instead of my own thoughts on the situation, here are links to what I feel is some of the better media coverage of the event:

• I thought Jon Stewart's introduction to his show on Monday was beautiful.
• Bob Greene: Let's do better before another tragedy hits.
• Tucson is still home.
• Tucson Memorial Project

I am also reminded of this post. Again...what MORE can I do? How can I make positive changes in my community and help to prevent future tragedies?

Travel

How did you travel in 2010? How and/or where would you like to travel next year?

Most of my travel this year took place within Tucson. I was a tourist in my own town! Paul and I like to discover new things in Tucson, and recently we've taken up trying to visit everything on The Best of Tucson 2010 list. So, within Tucson, I've traveled to:

• The Botanical Gardens
• the Rattlesnake Bridge
• Meet Me at Maynard's
• Mt. Lemmon
• The Museum of Art
• Tucson Meet Yourself
• 4th Ave Street Fair
• All Soul's Procession
• Sabino Canyon
• Gates Pass
• The Ostrich Ranch

I love being a tourist in my own town and I plan on continuing to visit all of the fun places in Tucson.

I was lucky enough this year to also be able to visit my family for two weeks over the summer. Cape Cod and Boston were freakin' awesome. And for the first time since I moved away, I truly enjoyed visiting Rochester. I almost didn't want to go back to Tucson! That says a lot about how much I've grown and healed over the past year.

In 2011 Paul and I are planning to visit Europe. FINALLY! I will be going abroad for please and adventure. We're going to Couch Surf and explore and have FUN! We've slowly been saving enough for air fare and we'll be buying our tickets at the end of January.