I am tired of saying "me, too".

The #metoo meme on Facebook started last week in response to numerous allegations of yet another powerful man sexually harassing and assaulting women who he worked with. The idea, as I understand it was to 1) Help survivors feel less alone and 2) To raise awareness of the extent of this problem and potentially call men into action.

(While sexual assault is absolutely a problem for other genders and is also committed by women, this blog post is going to focus on women harassed and assaulted by men. The #metoo campaign was designed to raise awareness about issues that women have, and I would like to talk about my own experience as a woman. Other related issues can, and will be, talked about in other ways at other times.)

While Goal #1 above was accomplished for many, I found the overall campaign to be frustrating and a bit overwhelming for myself. The truth is, I and many (most?) other women ALREADY KNOW the extent of sexual harassment and assault for women worldwide. We live it and we talk about it on an almost daily basis.

Personally, I don't know any women who haven't been at a minimum sexually harassed at some point in their life. I also know a ridiculously large number of women in my personal life who have been sexually assaulted. For about 7 years I worked with youth involved in the foster care system in Arizona. A majority of them had been sexually assaulted in some way during their time in the system.

At this point in my life, I assume that all women I meet have been sexually harassed or assaulted until they tell me otherwise, and this informs my interactions with and treatment of other women at all times.

The thing is, women have been talking about this for a long time. We have been trying to tell the world that this is a problem. We've been silenced and not believed by family, spouses, co-workers, therapists, doctors, and police officers.

We haven't just been saying Me, Too. We've been giving details, dates, times, reliving the experiences in detail in order to try to get help, to put a dent in the epidemic, to feel less alone.

For me, this #metoo was overwhelming. It just reinforced what I already knew. I spent the week marinating in my own thoughts and memories- in both the sexual experiences themselves and the aftermath: the money spent on therapy, the effects of not being believed, the burden placed on my romantic relationships, the anger.

This wasn't a helpful campaign for me. This just reminded me of how vast the problem is and how hard the problem is to solve.

I don't know what the alternative is to #metoo.

I do strongly believe in sharing stories and being heard, but not for the sake of people who have been given ample opportunity to listen and haven't responded. Sharing stories and being heard can be therapeutic when done in the right way.

I do strongly believe in my career, in my ability to help people heal from sexual trauma and to potentially work to stop future trauma.

I do believe in education; that as society progresses rape culture and the protections that men have that allow them to continue harassing and assaulting will be better understood and more often called out.

I don't know what the alternative is to #metoo. I just feel angry on behalf of myself and all of the women who have been yelling ME. TOO. for centuries and haven't been heard.

It's time for people to start listening and acting; for someone else to step up and make the changes we've been asking for throughout all of our lives.

Legend

Our heritage is full of women rebelling:

First Lilith, then Eve, who refused to fit the mold

In which she was cast: the antidote for Lilith, a model obedient

Wife, now blamed for original sin because she couldn’t conform.

Ruth defied convention when she married a foreigner and was

Rewarded with a place on the family tree of David; Brave Rahab’s

Perceived sexual trespasses didn’t stop her from saving.

Some say Jezebel was only depicted as evil because she dared reign over a man;

The adulteress still exists as a metaphor for Christian treatment of sin.

Even Mary, the mother of Jesus, became pregnant  before she was married-

We’ve built a legend of fear around what was good enough for God and his son.

I was raised with these women as role models, with the

Underlying message that what is scorned by society 

Is good enough for the being that society worships. I refuse,

I will not, hold myself to lower standards. I can

Save the world, be a role model, bring good into the world, I can!

Without the same refrains: Get married, have children,

But wait until you get married, settle down, cover your skin,

Protect yourself, someday you will want children- I

Do not fit this mold, I cannot limit myself to convention, I

Am not afraid of the stones that may be cast when I

Am middle aged and still unmarried, sleeping contentedly

In a bachelor’s life. I, too, am a legend, a myth in the making.

This poem jumped off from here.

"Sevenling"

An ad comparing contraceptives to life jackets

Says that both encourage risky behavior

And the only way to avoid drowning is to stay on land.

It’s true that it’s nearly impossible to sink in dry earth.

But our bodies get parched in the desert

And our souls have an almost unbearable lust for life.

Safety equipment is crucial for quenching your curiosity unharmed.

(Sevenling)